Vulnerability and MANhood

One thing I am learning both in loving my wife well and in respect to the Gospel is how to be open, honest and vulnerable. The funny thing about being vulnerable is that no one does it, yet everyone wants it. Everyone, in the core of their being, wants others be open about themselves and their struggles. Why? Because they too want to be just as vulnerable and open but fear what might happen in a non-safe (emotionally) situation. When we volunteer our true feelings and thoughts and (to the men, dare I say) emotions, we are opening ourselves up to jokes, criticism and maybe even embarrassment. But one thing I'm learning is that when you risk those things, all of which deal with pain and hurt, you have the opportunity of something even more scary yet a hundred times greater: being known.

 As a male, we are told to be careful not to let anyone know how we're feeling or don't dare show any emotions. Yesterday I had lunch with a friend of mine who grew up in a difficult situation where when supper time rolled around, if his father found out he got bullied or punked that day, he was not allowed to eat until he went back to the kid who bullied him and returned the favor. Or what's worse, with little to no emotional interaction with his father per his father's demands to show no emotion or feelings or you were considered weak or less-than-manly, he has had a tough hill to climb to not repeat the same thing with his kids.

 As we sat and talked over breakfast I discovered something I had been "investigating"  the week or so leading up to that meal. (Sidenote: when meeting with a pastor before getting married, he suggested to Lauren and I that we ask an older couple over for supper or meet with them simply to learn from their experiences-both negative and positive-and allow them to speak truth into our marriage/family) The last Tuesday, we had a couple over for the first of many suppers that I had spoken with and asked about discipling us (a christian buzzword for training up and pointing one to Christ) us as a couple and they graciously agreed. The funny thing is, the more they opened up and shared about mistakes in their relationship that happened 10 years ago or the week before, their vulnerability gave us the freedom (and security) as well to share problems we have and struggles that show up day after day in communication or in the understanding of each other or even ourselves. This allowed for growth and instruction. While we, at first, might have felt embarrassed to share, we soon realized we were not alone and having a community around us helps us realize that everyone has problems and arguments. There is so much freedom in bringing others into your struggle, even when its hard or scary.

As a husband and (Biblically) the head of our household, I dont want to be a sour, stoic man that just grunts and carries my club around as my knuckles drag the floor waiting for my wife to finish cleaning so she can fix me food. I want to be emotionally involved and that only comes from being open and vulnerable myself about what I am feeling. It is scary at times but the more I let Lauren in on who I am and get to know the real me, she is actually a better wife because of it as she can see my needs and know my heart without having to guess. This helps her then be able to point me back to Christ when the answers are not always clear, cut-and-dry. I don't have this all figured out but the Lord is teaching me and I hope I can encourage you as you read about how He is redeeming our marriage every day.